Tuesday, 5 February 2013

The Acts Of Kindness Jar.




Just after Christmas, I posted on my Facebook page about a 'Happiness Jar.' 

The idea is that you write good things that happen down on pieces of paper, pop them in the jar, and then on New Years Eve you get them all out and read about what great things happened during the year.

I am doing that, and although there isn't a great amount of pieces of paper in there yet, I can see that there will be by the end of the year.


The other day I was going through Pinterest and I found the photo above with another great idea.

The 'Acts Of Kindness Jar'.

The idea for this one, is that when a child is unfriendly, they have to go and pick a kindness act to perform for the person they were unfriendly to.

I think this is perfect for us.

With my eldest son's autism, he gets so angry and frustrated at times, that he doesn't quite know how to deal with that anger and frustration in an unharmful way.

It is never outside the home, as he just doesn't have the confidence and is normally fairly withdrawn and quiet. It only ever happens at home where he feels the most comfortable and it is always directed at his younger brother.

It doesn't matter that I have told him a million times it is very important he keeps his hands to himself and uses his words instead.

When he gets to the point of being very angry, he loses the ability to think rationally and remember instructions.

In a sense he briefly loses control, but then instantly regrets it as soon as the moment is over, as he knows what he did was wrong.

So as a result, my youngest is always the receiver of kicks, pushes, pinches or slaps!

I have been trying to figure out what to do about it, as my telling him off and putting him in time out just isn't working.

Neither is yelling and showing my anger and my frustration.

And it makes me feel bad, because he really can't help it.

So I have been thinking of a better way to handle it, and I think this could be it!

By making him choose a good deed out of the jar, it is removing him from the situation to help him calm down.

It also means that while I'm not exactly disciplining him for something that is out of his control, I am still helping him to make amends, and show kindness instead of the alternative.

Some examples of good deeds could be letting his little brother play with one of his toys, or taking his brother's dirty dishes across to the sink after dinner.


I guess all I can do is give it a try, and see what happens.



What do you think?

Would you consider putting something like this in place in your home?

I would love to hear some of your good deed ideas! Please?







Tracey ♥




Linking in with Jess and the others for IBOT.











28 comments:

  1. This is a fantastic idea ! Good luck, I hope you have success with its use....xx

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    1. Thanks Beck! We'll see how it goes :)
      xx

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  2. That is such a lovely idea. Please let us know how you get on with it.

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    1. Thanks Eleise. No doubt I'll be posting about it if it's successful :)
      xx

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  3. I think that is a great idea.
    I have been thinking about discipline lately and how hard it is to discipline without showing anger or even physicality in return...by physicality I mean restraining my toddler's hand so he can't hit something again and nothing beyond that.
    Once my little one is a bit older I think I might give this idea a try!

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    1. It can't hurt to try it MDU! A good idea to keep in mind for future reference :)
      xx

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  4. At the moment I'm battling to control my 3 year old but he's a little young to understand that concept unfort. Hang in there, it's hard work this mum gig :)

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    1. Yes, he is a bit too young at this stage Em. And it is hard, isn't it. Just when we think we've got it nailed, something else crops up! :)
      xx

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  5. Seems like it is definitely worth a try! I hope it works, and your younger son will probably also be able to develop a better relationship with his brother through it too, as a great bonus. Looking forward to hearing about the results! X Karen #TeamIBOT

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    1. Anything is worth a try Karen! Fingers crossed! :)
      xx

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  6. Oh I love this idea, filing it away for when the little man is older. Let us know how you get on, my little man is 3 and in that punching phase (plus the tantrums, where on earth did they come from!) it's hard to keep my frustration from getting through, I totally sympathise and think this could even work for the little one if I put pictures of kind things... something more than just 'I'm sorry' which he says but you just know he doesn't get.

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    1. Putting pictures for the 'littlies' is a really good idea Kyla! I understand completely....I find it really hard to keep myself calm, especially when it has been going on a lot. Hopefully this will help! :)
      xx

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  7. This is a beautiful idea. I look forward to reading how it goes. We might need something like this, as all three of my children are at a stage where they fight all the time. Screaming, pinching, unkind words. It's doing my head in. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. No worries Becky! I was sure that if it could help me, it might be able to help others too! :)
      xx

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  8. Such a good idea! I don't think my kids are old enough, but I think even I could benefit from something like this. I am working on not letting my stress and frustration boil over into anger.

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    1. It's not easy to stop it boiling over, is it Robyn? I really struggle with that some days. Kyla from Three Quarters Full mentioned putting pictures in for those that are a bit young, which I thought was a great idea as well!

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  9. I think this is a great idea and sounds like it could work in your situaton if your eldest is able to immediately calm down after an incident. May need to put something like this in place for my two older boys who are close in age and often at ech other's throats!

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    1. I'm hoping it will work Cathy. Now I just have to think of good deeds to put in there! :)
      xx

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  10. I actually really like this idea. I think it's a good way for kids to do something concrete to make amends.
    As they get older though, I would probably encourage them to think for themselves about the best thing they could do to make it right

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    1. I agree Jess, and it's a great idea of them thinking up the deeds themselves! If this works, I might put that into effect a little bit further down the track :)
      xx

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  11. This is a great idea. Good luck with it Tracey.

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    1. Thanks Rita! Here's hoping! :)
      xx

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  12. I think this is a brilliant idea and I'll like to try it with my girl to teach her about kindness too :)

    Ai @ Sakura Haruka

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    1. Thanks Sakura. Hopefully it works for us both! :)
      xx

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  13. What a great idea! Hopefully you guys have some success with it x

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  14. This is a beautiful idea, and I think focusing on the positive will be great for you all :)

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  15. I like it! We are battling with our 9 year old at the moment and nothing is working.

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  16. That's a great idea, Tracey! We're going to start a kindness jar for our home. The boys are only 3 and we don't have any major behavioural issues except the usual toddler tantrums, but it's never too early to promote love and respect for one another.

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