Friday 10 August 2012

Things I Know ~ I Need A Cotton Pickin' Minute!!


Remember me?

It feels all too long ago since I sat here at the keyboard and let my fingers pour out what is aching to be expressed from within my heart and soul. And now I'm not sure I even know how to get the words out. It's really weird. For weeks I haven't had the time to sit down and write about how I feel, and now it's almost like I can't.

I feel blocked.

I'll have to take it slow.

The last three weeks have been....well, hard is the easiest and the nicest way to put it.

I feel like I've lost myself somewhere back in July, and I'm having trouble finding myself again.

Shall I start at the beginning?

Hmmm. Now where would that be exactly?

I guess it would be when I started working again. I have taken on a part time job working from home for a sports photographic company, and since the day I started, I feel like nothing else has existed. It has been full time! It won't always be this way, I know. I'm slower because I'm learning, so it's taking a lot more time than it will once I've been doing it for a while. But I've always got lots of questions, and I can't continue until someone gets back to me. And I'm stressing the whole time until the job is complete, because I know it is supposed to be finished in 1-2 days, and it's taking me double that! More!

On top of that, I've had my son's 7th birthday, as well as taking our foster dog to meet potential new owners, and leaf collection for the possums, and trying to look after my family. I'm also in the middle of de-cluttering, so it looks like a bomb has gone off in my lounge room. You know how it gets worse before it gets better, when you're emptying out all of your cupboards and other storage? And that is how it has had to stay, because I haven't had the time to get back to it.

I look at it and I feel miserable.

Adding to my misery, is my worry of my last little foster dog Meesha. I thought last weekend she had gone to her forever home, but today I find out the gentleman is unexpectedly going to be in and out of hospital over the next few months, so is giving Meesha back. I'm just devastated! She's not coming back to me, but going to another carer with no other animals, (which is best for her), but I'm worried that people won't see what I see.

I see a beautiful, loving, friendly little dog.
I see a little someone who makes you her whole world.
I see someone who just wants to belong and have a place of her own to call home.
Everyone deserves that, and so does she. I wish people would look past her greying exterior, to the loving soul within. She's worth it.

The world on my shoulders is pushing me under.

I'm drowning.

I feel like I'm suffocating.

I can't breathe.

I just want everything to STOP!!

Just for a moment so I can try and pull myself together.

I know I can. It just seems to be taking me a while.

I also know that my stress is nothing compared to what other's are going through.

I will be myself again.

I just need a minute.

Linking in with Dorothy from Singular Insanity for Things I Know.

Also linking in with Grace from With Some Grace for FYBF.



  1. I know this feeling so well and just want to stop the world so I can get off. I hope everything improves and the weight is lifted for you soon. Best of luck to the puppies finding new homes as well. (visiting from FYBF)

  2. Yep I have felt very similar of late, must be something in the cold winter air. Everything seems better when it is warmer I think. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely

  3. Hi gorgeous, I so know where you're coming from. I remember several years ago, when I was still married, I felt the same. The whole world of my home and family was weighing on my shoulders and I truly could not pick myself up. Luckily, I was under psychiatric care at the time and got the help I needed, including making my then husband to understand that he needed to be responsible for a lot more than he chose to be. That helped at the time.

    These days, I just choose what I should include in my life. I've let go of a lot of things, based on my own values and priorities. Maybe it's time to rethink yours? Big hugs. Just keep breathing for now...

  4. Hi, sending out some calming vibes to you. I thing many of us feel the world crushing down on us especially when you have a carers heart like yours. You foster dogs because you care and that makes you vulnerable. Sometimes you have to know you've done all you can and you have to let it go.
    Hoping for a quieter weekend for you.

    Here from #FYBF

  5. Oh hon. I'm sending you a big ol' hug and a cup of tea. Try to take more than a moment. A bubble bath perhaps or read a book and get out of your life for a good hour. That always helps me center myself slightly to get on with it. I hate those overwhelming moments, they just creep up and then your feeling like you're weighed down with stones.

  6. Huge hugs. I know the feeling very well. I hope things settle down and you have some room to breathe very soon.

  7. Sending you big hugs, Tracey. Life gets overwhelming at the best (and worse) of times. I also think it's just that time of year, where the cold weather is getting to us all and we're just struggling to get by.
    Give yourself that break. Even if it means just taking an hour or two and going for a long walk. You deserve it. x

  8. Big hugs hun. I hope you feel a little better having gotten that off your chest. I must admit I feel so much better getting things off of my chest in my last post. I hope things start to settle down for you soon and the dogs find happy, caring homes :) xx

  9. I feel you girl. Hang in there!


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