It feels all too long ago since I sat here at the keyboard and let my fingers pour out what is aching to be expressed from within my heart and soul. And now I'm not sure I even know how to get the words out. It's really weird. For weeks I haven't had the time to sit down and write about how I feel, and now it's almost like I can't.
I feel blocked.
I'll have to take it slow.
The last three weeks have been....well, hard is the easiest and the nicest way to put it.
I feel like I've lost myself somewhere back in July, and I'm having trouble finding myself again.
Shall I start at the beginning?
Hmmm. Now where would that be exactly?
I guess it would be when I started working again. I have taken on a part time job working from home for a sports photographic company, and since the day I started, I feel like nothing else has existed. It has been full time! It won't always be this way, I know. I'm slower because I'm learning, so it's taking a lot more time than it will once I've been doing it for a while. But I've always got lots of questions, and I can't continue until someone gets back to me. And I'm stressing the whole time until the job is complete, because I know it is supposed to be finished in 1-2 days, and it's taking me double that! More!
On top of that, I've had my son's 7th birthday, as well as taking our foster dog to meet potential new owners, and leaf collection for the possums, and trying to look after my family. I'm also in the middle of de-cluttering, so it looks like a bomb has gone off in my lounge room. You know how it gets worse before it gets better, when you're emptying out all of your cupboards and other storage? And that is how it has had to stay, because I haven't had the time to get back to it.
I look at it and I feel miserable.
Adding to my misery, is my worry of my last little foster dog Meesha. I thought last weekend she had gone to her forever home, but today I find out the gentleman is unexpectedly going to be in and out of hospital over the next few months, so is giving Meesha back. I'm just devastated! She's not coming back to me, but going to another carer with no other animals, (which is best for her), but I'm worried that people won't see what I see.
I see a beautiful, loving, friendly little dog.
I see a little someone who makes you her whole world.
I see someone who just wants to belong and have a place of her own to call home.
Everyone deserves that, and so does she. I wish people would look past her greying exterior, to the loving soul within. She's worth it.
The world on my shoulders is pushing me under.
I feel like I'm suffocating.
I can't breathe.
I just want everything to STOP!!
Just for a moment so I can try and pull myself together.
I know I can. It just seems to be taking me a while.
I also know that my stress is nothing compared to what other's are going through.
I will be myself again.
I just need a minute.
Linking in with Dorothy from Singular Insanity for Things I Know.
Also linking in with Grace from With Some Grace for FYBF.