There's nothing worse than feeling like a complete failure.
But looking around at my house at the moment, which looks as if every cupboard has exploded it's contents all over the carpet, that is exactly how I feel.
I don't know precisely when and how it got so bad, but somehow that doesn't matter. What does matter is how it looks right at this moment. Like a construction zone, but instead of rocks and rubble, we have clothes, toys and furnishings.
I know I'm not the only woman to ever hate her messy house. I'm sure every mother of young children has looked around themselves at some point and just wanted to scream. And screaming I am! Sometimes at the boys when I can't hold it in any longer, but mostly inside my own head. My internal screams are constantly ringing in my ears.
I don't understand why I can't seem to get the disorder under control. Obviously it doesn't help that I have two young weapons of mass destruction running around the place, but other women with young children mange to have clean, tidy homes. Am I just hopeless? Or do those other women do nothing else during their day than clean?
I feel like I barely stop to take a breath during the day, yet I scarcely touch the surface. Give me another 24 hours within any 24 hour period and maybe I might get somewhere, but otherwise it just doesn't happen.
Admittedly, I do a lot of other things during the day, as well as clean. There's the baby possum feeds every four to five hours, as well as collecting fresh leaves for the older possums. There is the school and kinder pick ups and drop off's, but nothing unusual there for a stay at home Mum. I try and do a workout of some kind at least every second day, whether it's Jillian Michaels punishing me via my dvd player, or a walk or run. I also try to do at least one thing I love everyday, so whilst having a tea break (or coffee break as it has been of late as I'm struggling to stay awake after weeks of night feeds) I like to have a little read. Mind you, its never for more than a few minutes as my eyes start to droop before long. My evenings, I try to keep for my cross stitch, but lately I've been too tired for that too.
Should I have to give up every other thing I do during the day to make my clean house happen?
I'll never forget the day I was talking to my Mum about trying to clean up for friends coming over, and she said,
"You'll just need to tell them that you don't cope with housework."
Really? Is that seriously how she see's me?
Sure, maybe I need to complete a course in time management, or grow some extra arms, but I'm not sure I deserve that label. At least I know I try.
Some ladies are happy in their mess, but I'm afraid I'm not one of them. I get so frustrated when I manage to get an area looking sparkling, and move on to other areas, but by the end of the day I'm back to where I started. I just never feel like I get ahead.
So what is the answer? Somehow I need to find a happy medium....time to do what I love, but have a house that I love too.
Where are those god damn fairies when you need them?
I would love to know what you think!